1
00:00:03,536 --> 00:00:04,914
BABY, THESE EGGS
ARE AMAZING.

2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,505
THANK YOU.

3
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,107
[ STOMPING ]

4
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,108
HI.

5
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,576
I'M EXHAUSTED.

6
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:11,810
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

7
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:13,379
LIFE WITH THIS DAMN BABY.

8
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,447
HEY, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE BABY?

9
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:18,317
IT'S HERE ALL THE TIME!
I MEAN, IT'S SATURDAY!

10
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,652
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE
TO SLEEP IN ON SATURDAY!

11
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,431
I WORK EVERY DAY DURING
THE WEEK,

12
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,923
AND WHEN I CAME HOME EXHAUSTED,
I HAD TO BE A DADDY,

13
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:26,892
AND ALL I HEAR IS,
"WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!"

14
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,227
I FEEL LIKE I GOT TWO JOBS

15
00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:30,229
AND THE ONLY PAY I GET
IS PEOPLE SAY,

16
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,997
"AW, LOOK HOW CUTE
THE BABY IS."

17
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:35,768
WELL, WE DIDN'T EVEN GET THAT
WHEN YOU WERE A BABY.

18
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:39,004
ALL WE GOT WAS,
"WHAT IS THAT?

19
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,040
"IS THAT E.T.?

20
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,876
OUCH!"

21
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,855
WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT.
HE WAS FUSSING AND FIGHTING.

22
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,414
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
ISN'T THAT TOO BAD?

23
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:49,481
THAT'S SO BAD.

24
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,716
IS THAT BAGS UNDER...

25
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,885
LOOK, BABY, HE GOT BAGS
UNDER HIS EYES.

26
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:55,031
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT JUST
BAGS, THAT'S LUGGAGE.

27
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,055
YEAH, RUB IT IN.

28
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,389
SORRY, SON.

29
00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:00,025
LOOK, THIS IS THE FUN
OF BEING A GRANDPARENT.

30
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,795
SEE, WE'VE BEEN THERE
AND DONE THAT WITH YOU.

31
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:05,364
NOW WE GET A CHANCE
TO SIT BACK AND LAUGH.

32
00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:06,865
IF I COULD DO IT
ALL OVER AGAIN,

33
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,267
I'D TAKE
THAT 30 SECONDS BACK.

34
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,402
17 SECONDS.

35
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:11,937
WOMAN!

36
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,873
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ALL THAT.

37
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:17,309
WHY DON'T WE TAKE THE BABY
SO YOU TWO

38
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:20,379
CAN GO GET YOURSELVES
A COUPLE OF HOURS OF SLEEP?

39
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:23,248
OH, THANK YOU,
MRS. KYLE.

40
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:25,384
DID HE BREAK MY TABLE?

41
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:31,523
MICHAEL, I'M REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT JUNIOR.

42
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,725
HE'S SO NEGATIVE ABOUT
THE FATHER THING.

43
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:34,927
IT CAN'T BE HEALTHY.

44
00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:36,662
YOU SHOULD DO
SOMETHING, BABY.

45
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:39,064
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,
SPANK HIM?

46
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:41,600
DON'T HATE BEING A FATHER!

47
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:42,835
COME BACK HERE.

48
00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,104
DON'T YOU NOT
LOVE YOUR SON!

49
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:46,305
BOY, DON'T YOU PUT...

50
00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:48,507
[ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ]

51
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:49,775
STOP!

52
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,578
I WOULD SAY YES
IF I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP,

53
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:53,745
BUT, REALLY, MICHAEL,

54
00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:55,781
THESE KIDS ARE
AT A CRITICAL JUNCTURE.

55
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,250
REMEMBER HOW WE WERE
WHEN WE FIRST HAD JUNIOR?

56
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,619
THIS IS THE POINT WHERE SOME
PEOPLE GIVE UP FOREVER.

57
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,364
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

58
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,033
I'M GONNA DO THE SAME
THING TO HIM

59
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,090
THAT MY FATHER DID TO ME.

60
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:07,092
BEAT HIM AND POUR SALT
IN HIS WOUNDS?

61
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,160
NO.

62
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:09,128
LEMON JUICE?
NO.

63
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,239
BLEACH?
NO.

64
00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:12,164
TURPENTINE?
NO.

65
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:15,367
WHAT?

66
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,803
THE MAGIC BABY.

67
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:22,241
OH, THE MAGIC BABY!

68
00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:31,550
GOOD NIGHT, TONY.
I LOVE YOU.

69
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:39,391
OHH. MAN.
I ALWAYS DO THAT.

70
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:40,826
HAVE FUN WITH TONY?

71
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,295
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY ROOM?!

72
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,097
DON'T QUESTION ME, MISSY.

73
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,634
WHAT WERE YOU DOING OUT
OF YOUR ROOM AT THIS HOUR?

74
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,402
THAT'S NONE
OF YOUR BUSINESS.

75
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,370
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

76
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,938
IT'S MOM AND DAD'S BUSINESS.

77
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,173
I'LL GO AND ASK THEM.

78
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,140
NO, NO, WAIT.

79
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:56,408
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT

80
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,644
TO YOUR BIG SISTER AGAIN,
WOULD YOU?

81
00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:01,046
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

82
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,614
I THINK
YOU'RE BLACKMAILING ME

83
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,683
LIKE YOU'VE DONE EVER
SINCE YOU COULD TALK.

84
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,195
HAVE NO ARGUMENT
WITH THAT.

85
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,452
ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

86
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,890
AH, THE UNDERLYING
QUESTION...

87
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:16,228
WHAT DO I WANT?

88
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:19,364
HMM, LET'S SEE.

89
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:20,666
WHAT A PRETTY PURSE.

90
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,768
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
TAKE MY PURSE.

91
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:24,169
OH, OF COURSE NOT.

92
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,772
I WAS HOPING
YOU'D GIVE IT TO ME.

93
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:29,141
ALL RIGHT,
BUT AFTER THAT WE'RE EVEN.

94
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,476
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

95
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,346
WE'RE EVEN
WHEN I SAY WE'RE EVEN.

96
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,648
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

97
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,193
LOOK WHO'S HERE.

98
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,861
GOOD MORNING.

99
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:52,531
Michael: HOW DID YOU SLEEP?

100
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,866
LIKE A BABY...
BUT NOT THAT BABY.

101
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,501
I SLEPT LIKE A GOOD BABY.

102
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,237
HEY!

103
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,905
DON'T TALK
ABOUT MY GRANDSON.

104
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,707
COME HERE. COME HERE.
COME HERE.

105
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:07,412
DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM.
THIS BABY HAS MAGICAL POWERS.

106
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,680
WHATEVER.

107
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,868
I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
GO AHEAD. TOUCH THE BABY.

108
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:14,353
ALL RIGHT, NOW PICK A NUMBER
BETWEEN 3 AND 5.

109
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,690
3 AND 5.

110
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,460
4.

111
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:22,561
WOW.

112
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:24,529
YOU SEE THAT?

113
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,431
YOU S...
LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE.

114
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:27,766
YEAH, DO ANOTHER ONE.

115
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,636
WHAT IS THE CAPITAL
OF SOUTH DAKOTA?

116
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,204
SOUTH DAKOTA CITY.

117
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,342
TOUCH THE BABY.

118
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:40,579
WHAT IS THE CAPITAL
OF PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA?

119
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,047
PIERRE.

120
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,949
IT'S MAGIC BABY.
IT'S MAGIC BABY.

121
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,250
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

122
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,252
Michael:
LOOK, LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE.

123
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,489
WHO IS BURIED
IN GRANT'S TOMB, JUNIOR?

124
00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:51,556
JUNIOR.

125
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:55,560
MNH-MNH?

126
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,596
IN GRANT'S TOMB, JUNIOR?

127
00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,931
OH, I'M SORRY. TOMB.

128
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,266
WOW. WOW.

129
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:04,269
PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BABY.

130
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:07,439
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S TRY GRANT AGAIN.

131
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:08,540
GRANT!

132
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,108
SEE?
THAT'S FANTASTIC.

133
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,243
I-I GOT THAT?

134
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,745
Michael: YOU GOT IT RIGHT
BY YOURSELF, SON.

135
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,681
WOW! MAYBE THE BABY
IS MAGIC!

136
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:16,882
OF COURSE HE IS.

137
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:19,584
SEE, THIS IS TRUE
OF ALL FIRSTBORN KYLES.

138
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,753
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN,
I WAS DUMB AS A POST.

139
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,854
DUMB.

140
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:23,855
I WAS DUMB.

141
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:25,090
DUMBER THAN DUMB.

142
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,959
I WAS AN IDIOT.
I WAS LIKE YOU.

143
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:30,962
BUT THEN YOU WERE BORN,

144
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:34,099
AND ALL I HAD TO DO
WAS TOUCH RIGHT HERE

145
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,368
ON THE HOOK OF YOUR HEAD
AND...

146
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,769
[ IMITATES GRINDING ]

147
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,604
KNOWLEDGE.

148
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,274
WOW, THAT...
ASK ME ANOTHER QUESTION.

149
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,343
MAKE IT A TOUGH ONE
THIS TIME, BABY.

150
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:45,777
OKAY, I'LL TRY ANOTHER ONE.

151
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:50,182
WHEN DID WORLD WAR II START?

152
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,316
I GOT THIS ONE.

153
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,304
I DON'T EVEN NEED
TO TOUCH THE BABY.

154
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,920
WORLD WAR II STARTED

155
00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:58,123
BETWEEN WORLD WAR I
AND WORLD WAR III.

156
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,391
YEAH!

157
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,592
[ LAUGHS ]

158
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:03,495
YEAH!

159
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,831
OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

160
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:07,999
THAT'S GOOD, SON,
BUT LISTEN, LISTEN.

161
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,534
WE CAN GET A LITTLE CLOSER.

162
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,070
YEAH!

163
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:13,405
JUNIOR.

164
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,474
WHOO!
HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

165
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,775
GOT ANOTHER ONE?

166
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:24,316
OKAY.
TELL HIM TO TOUCH THE BABY.

167
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:29,688
I THINK YOU CAN GET A LITTLE
CLOSER TO THE ACTUAL DATE

168
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,790
IF YOU TOUCH THE 1939 BABY.

169
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,160
1939, BABY.

170
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,729
WOW, THIS BOY IS BRILLIANT.

171
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:38,930
BUT THERE'S MORE.

172
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,198
MORE?

173
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,010
1939... HITLER'S NAZI TROOPS
BLITZKRIEGED POLAND

174
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:43,114
AND WORLD WAR II COMMENCES,

175
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,513
PLUNGING THE WORLD
INTO THE DARKNESS

176
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:45,881
OF TOTAL CONFLICT
AND SETTING THE STAGE

177
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,865
FOR THE ENGLISH BULLDOG,
WINSTON CHURCHILL,

178
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,852
TO LOCK HORNS WITH THE DEVIL
OF DEUTSCHLAND.

179
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,243
OHHH!

180
00:06:53,679 --> 00:06:55,347
JUNIOR!

181
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,082
JUNIOR!

182
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,917
W-W-W-WHAT HAPPENED?

183
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,018
WAS I RIGHT?

184
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,353
YEAH, YOU GOT IT RIGHT.

185
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,854
I-I WAS RIGHT?

186
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,122
I'M SMART!

187
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:06,925
OH, MY GOD,
I GOT TO GO TELL VANESSA!

188
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,059
YEAH!

189
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,846
Jay: MICHAEL, SOMETHING
IS BOTHERING ME.

190
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,471
ME TOO.
I'M GLAD YOU SAID IT,

191
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,673
'CAUSE I FEEL STRESSED OUT
AND CLOGGED UP.

192
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,809
I WAS HOPING YOU COULD
DO THAT THING...

193
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,177
UNH-UNH, UNH-UNH, UNH-UNH.

194
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,012
I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT

195
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:30,315
"I NEED TO RELIEVE MY STRESS"
ROUTINE, OKAY?

196
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:33,151
OKAY. I WAS JUST TRYING
TO TAKE A SHOT.

197
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,352
NO, YOU'RE NOT.

198
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,421
ANYWAY, WHAT'S BOTHERING ME
IS JUNIOR.

199
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:37,989
WHY?

200
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,269
I THOUGHT THE MAGIC-BABY THING
WAS WORKING REALLY WELL.

201
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,494
YEAH, A LITTLE TOO WELL,
MICHAEL. COME ON.

202
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,762
DO YOU REMEMBER AT THE END

203
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,630
WHEN HE WALKED ABOUT
WORLD WAR II

204
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,299
AND THE DEVIL
OF DEUTSCHLAND?

205
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,567
HOW DID HE KNOW ALL THAT?

206
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,702
YOU DIDN'T FEED IT TO HIM
SUBLIMINALLY.

207
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:53,205
WELL, THAT'S THE MAGIC
OF THE MAGIC-BABY TRICK.

208
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,783
WHAT IT DOES IS GIVE YOU
THE CONFIDENCE

209
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:55,874
TO UNLOCK THE KNOWLEDGE

210
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,742
THAT'S ALREADY INSIDE
OF YOUR HEAD.

211
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,212
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD
ANY KNOWLEDGE TO UNLOCK.

212
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,257
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
HIS HEAD IS JUST HOLLOW,

213
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,683
THAT IT'S FULL OF STYROFOAM
PACKING PEANUTS OR SOMETHING?

214
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,985
I'M NOT BUYING IT.
SOMETHING IS UP.

215
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,954
GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS.

216
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:12,057
I CANNOT TELL YOU GUYS
HOW SMART I FEEL

217
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:13,458
WHEN I'M HOLDING THIS BABY.

218
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:14,937
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU
SOMETHING.

219
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,094
WATCH THIS.

220
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,129
JUNIOR,
LET ME HOLD THE BABY.

221
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:19,531
OKAY. GO TO GRANDPA.

222
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,233
OKAY.

223
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,269
NOW, IN YOUR NEW STATE
OF INTELLECTUAL GRACE,

224
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,606
I WANT YOU TO ANSWER ME
THIS MATHEMATICAL QUERY.

225
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,241
WHAT IS PI?

226
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:30,909
A DELICIOUS DESSERT.

227
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:39,351
OKAY, TOUCH THE BABY.

228
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:41,453
WHAT IS PI?

229
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,854
OH, PI IS A SYMBOL DENOTING

230
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,766
THE RATIO OF THE CIRCUMFERENCE
OF A CIRCLE

231
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,024
TO ITS DIAMETER.

232
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,594
THE RATIO ITSELF IS EQUAL
TO APPROXIMATELY 3.1416

233
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:52,330
OR THE FRACTION 22/7.

234
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,232
TAKE YOUR HAND OFF
THE BABY.

235
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,467
BANANA CREAM. HA!

236
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,669
IT'S INCREDIBLE, ISN'T IT?

237
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:58,870
IT IS.

238
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,749
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA GO LEARN
SOME NEW THINGS.

239
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:01,973
CAN I HAVE MY BABY BACK?

240
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,608
GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY.

241
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:07,178
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, DO SOME
DIVISION AND SUBTRACTION.

242
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:08,780
HA!

243
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:12,017
I GET IT... MULTIPLY...
A BIBLICAL REFERENCE

244
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,952
YOKED TO MATHEMATICAL
TERMINOLOGY

245
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,787
RESULTING IN A DOUBLE
ENTENDRE.

246
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,422
[ LAUGHS ]

247
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:20,392
THAT'S CLEVER... NOT WITTY,
BUT, OH, SO CLEVER.

248
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,494
[ LAUGHS ]

249
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:30,902
HEY, GUYS.

250
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,103
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SUN

251
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:34,139
IS 93 MILLION MILES
AWAY FROM THE EARTH

252
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,441
AND THAT WITHOUT THE SUN,
THE EARTH WOULD DIE?

253
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,554
AND IF YOU TOOK A PIN-SIZED
PIECE OF THE SUN

254
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,911
AND SET IT ON THE GROUND

255
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,857
THAT YOU COULDN'T STAND WITHIN
90 MILES OF IT

256
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:42,948
BECAUSE OF THE HEAT?

257
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:45,417
[ LAUGHS ]

258
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,219
WHERE DOES THIS COME FROM?

259
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:50,922
YOU KNOW, THAT'S VERY
INTERESTING, EINSTEIN,

260
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,458
BUT YOUR MOTHER AND I
ARE TRYING TO READ.

261
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,928
WHY BOTHER READING WHEN YOU HAVE
ME AND THE MAGIC BABY...

262
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,563
ENCYCLOPEDIA JUNIOR JUNIOR?

263
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,899
OH, ANOTHER INTERESTING
FACTOID...

264
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,602
ONLY 10% OF THE POPULATION
IS LEFT-HANDED

265
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:07,606
WHILE 89% ARE RIGHT-HANDED
AND 1% HAVE NO HANDS AT ALL.

266
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:08,940
I'M SO BRILLIANT.

267
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,308
YOU CREATED A MONSTER.

268
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,278
ACTUALLY, MARY SHELLEY CREATED
THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER

269
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,081
WHILE VACATIONING
WITH THE POET BYRON.

270
00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:17,082
YES, SHE DID.

271
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,617
GET OUT!

272
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,352
GETTING OUT.

273
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:21,997
MICHAEL,
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

274
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,899
ABOUT THIS ARROGANT CHILD
YOU CREATED?

275
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:24,990
HE'LL BE FINE.

276
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:26,234
SOONER OR LATER,
HE'S GONNA FIGURE OUT

277
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:27,869
THAT IT'S NOT THE BABY
AND THAT IT'S HIM.

278
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,438
BABY, HOW IS HE GONNA
DO THAT?

279
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,762
HE SEEMS TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

280
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:33,264
YEAH, WELL, I CALLED
FOR A LITTLE HELP.

281
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:34,933
I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD.

282
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:37,035
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

283
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,671
LISTEN, JUNIOR HAS
BECOME REALLY SMART,

284
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:42,474
AND I NEED YOU TO TAKE HIM DOWN
JUST A PEG.

285
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,510
DID YOU TELL HIM
THE MAGIC BABY STORY?

286
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,745
YEAH.

287
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,480
FOOL!

288
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,548
ALL RIGHT, THIS
ISN'T GONNA BE EASY.

289
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,150
DO YOU WANT HIM
BACK TO DIM BULB

290
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,652
OR ALL THE WAY
TO CRO-MAGNON?

291
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:55,186
NO, NO, NO, WE LIKE THE FACT

292
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,222
THAT THE BABY
MAKES HIM FEEL SMARTER.

293
00:10:57,289 --> 00:10:59,267
WE JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO BE
ARROGANT ABOUT IT.

294
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,359
[ Laughing ] WELL, ACTUALLY,

295
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,262
ARROGANCE IS A SIGN
OF INTELLIGENCE.

296
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,530
BRING HIM IN.

297
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,932
JUNIOR!

298
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,402
DID YOU KNOW THAT PUDDING,
SURPRISINGLY,

299
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:13,304
WAS NOT INVENTED BY BILL COSBY
BUT RATHER BY...

300
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,640
PETER COOPER, WHO OBTAINED
THE FIRST PATENT

301
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,108
ON GELATIN DESSERT IN 18...

302
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,678
45.
HELLO, MUMFORD.

303
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:20,845
KYLE.

304
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:21,913
WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?

305
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,558
I HEAR YOU'VE GOTTEN
SUPER SMART,

306
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,327
AND I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU WANTED TO MATCH WITS

307
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,584
WITH A GENIUS.

308
00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:29,154
OH, SURE, IF YOU HAPPEN
TO KNOW ONE, SEND HIM BY.

309
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,321
[ LAUGHTER ]

310
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:33,725
CLEVER, NOT WITTY,
BUT, OH, SO CLEVER.

311
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:37,095
I THINK A LITTLE COMPETITION
WILL BE HEALTHY FOR BOTH OF YOU.

312
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,364
I HAVE IN MY HAND
THE BIG BOOK OF FACTS.

313
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,866
I'LL START THE FESTIVITIES.

314
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:44,903
FRANKLIN, WHAT IS THE FASTEST
ANIMAL ON SIX LEGS?

315
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:46,871
THE COCKROACH,
AND I HOPE TO GOD

316
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,917
YOU'RE GOING TO ASK MORE
CHALLENGING QUESTIONS

317
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:50,375
THAN THAT ONE.

318
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,545
UH, JUNIOR, WHAT'S THE LONGEST
WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

319
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,280
WITH LETTERS
IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?

320
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:56,915
OH, I KNOW THIS... ALMOST.

321
00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:59,718
NO, JUNIOR, YOU HAVE TO
KNOW IT COMPLETELY.

322
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,853
NO, HE'S RIGHT, BABY.
THE WORD IS "ALMOST."

323
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,555
DUH.

324
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,590
MR. KYLE,
WE COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.

325
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,859
I MEAN, ANYONE CAN ANSWER
QUESTIONS LIKE

326
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:10,829
WHAT PLANET IS THE ONLY PLANET
THAT ROTATES CLOCKWISE?

327
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,674
VENUS. WHAT IS THE ONLY ANIMAL
TO FLY BACKWARDS?

328
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:13,998
HUMMINGBIRD.

329
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,944
WHAT'S THE ACTUAL TERM
FOR ONE 100th OF A SECOND?

330
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:17,168
A JIFFY.

331
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,904
WHAT IS THE LONGEST
THAT A SNAIL CAN SLEEP?

332
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,806
THREE YEARS.

333
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,242
ELECTRICITY DOES NOT FLOW
THROUGH THE WIRE

334
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,344
BUT RATHER A FIELD
AROUND THE WIRE.

335
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,313
WHAT ARE THE NAMES
OF THE THREE WISE MONKEYS?

336
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,425
THEIR NAMES ARE MIZARU,
MIKAZARU, AND MAZARU.

337
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:31,850
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!

338
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:34,319
OKAY, WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET
ANYWHERE WITH THIS.

339
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:35,897
YOU BOTH ARE JUST
FREAKS OF NATURE.

340
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,289
YES, I AM
AS SMART AS FRANKLIN.

341
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:41,726
I'M SORRY, MR. AND MRS. KYLE.
I TRIED MY BEST.

342
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:46,131
HEY, MUMFORD, STOP BY ANY TIME
YOU NEED SOME SCHOOLING.

343
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:48,733
YOU KNOW, ONE DAY THAT
BABY'S GONNA GROW UP

344
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,602
AND THEN YOU'LL BE STUPID AGAIN.

345
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,838
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

346
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:56,007
YEAH!

347
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,310
TIME TO FEED THE BABY.

348
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:03,114
DAD, I'VE DECIDED THAT I'M GOING
TO RETAKE THE S.A.T.s,

349
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:04,693
GET A PERFECT SCORE,
GO TO HARVARD,

350
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,757
AND THEN BECOME PRESIDENT.

351
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,118
THEN, AFTER I BECOME PRESIDENT,

352
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:09,531
I'M GOING TO MOVE INTO THE WHITE
HOUSE AND PAINT IT GREEN

353
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:13,358
SO WE'LL CALL IT THE GREEN HOUSE
FOR THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT.

354
00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,593
THEN AFTER THAT, I'M GONNA
ERADICATE WORLD HUNGER.

355
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:16,861
EXCEPT FOR IN HUNGARY,

356
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,074
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET RID
OF THE HUNGER IN HUNGARY.

357
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,331
HA HA! YEAH!

358
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:23,701
OKAY, YOU NEED
TO TAKE THE BABY BACK.

359
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:25,003
YEAH!

360
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,671
[ LAUGHTER ]

361
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,942
HERE'S YOUR TOAST,
YOU LITTLE PEST.

362
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,411
PLEASE REFER TO ME
AS "QUEEN PEST."

363
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,747
WHATEVER.
HERE'S YOUR TOAST.

364
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,582
UH, THAT'S NOT MY TOAST.

365
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:41,019
I ASKED FOR BUTTER
WITH A SMIDGEN OF JELLY.

366
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,926
I'LL SMIDGEN YOU
WITH THIS KNIFE.

367
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:45,390
OH, VIOLENCE.

368
00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:48,860
SO, ON TOP OF THE FACT THAT
YOU'RE SNEAKING AROUND,

369
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,496
YOU WANT TO ADD HOMICIDE
TO YOUR RéSUMé?

370
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:52,864
OHH!

371
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:56,234
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?

372
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,336
MOM, SOMETHING
VERY INTERESTING

373
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,838
HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT.

374
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:02,507
UH, YOUR MUFFIN'S COMING
RIGHT UP, QUEEN PEST.

375
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,676
WASN'T THAT INTERESTING,
AFTER ALL.

376
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:05,877
WELL, WE'RE OFF.

377
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,612
AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

378
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,615
TO RETAKE THE S.A.T.s,
ME AND MY MAGIC BABY.

379
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,783
WELL, GOOD LUCK.

380
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,751
MOM, LUCK HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.

381
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,888
THIS BABY HAS GIVEN ME ACCESS TO
MY SECOND BRAIN OF INFORMATION.

382
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,423
THERE'S NOTHING I DON'T KNOW.

383
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,168
WELL, MAYBE YOU DON'T
KNOW THIS...

384
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,336
YOU CAN'T TAKE A BABY
TO THE S.A.T. TEST.

385
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,527
HUH?

386
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,406
SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
LEAVE HIM HERE.

387
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,530
I'LL WATCH HIM.

388
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:26,808
NO, NO, NO.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THE BABY.

389
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:28,633
JUNIOR,
LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER.

390
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,034
NO, NO!

391
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,013
I'VE NEVER BEEN SMART BEFORE
AND I'M NOT GOING BACK.

392
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,115
I MEAN, YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT IT'S LIKE

393
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,541
TO STOP AT A STOP SIGN
AND WAIT FOR IT TO TURN GREEN.

394
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,943
JUNIOR!

395
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,212
YOU CAN'T TAKE THE BABY
TO THE S.A.T.s!

396
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,181
I CAN TAKE THE BABY
IF I WANT TO.

397
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,550
GIVE ME THIS BABY.
GIVE ME MY GRANDCHILD.

398
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:49,821
OH! I.Q. DROPPING!
LOSING MENTAL ACUITY.

399
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,458
AW, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

400
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:54,759
SON, LISTEN TO ME.

401
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,728
IT'S NEVER BEEN
ABOUT THE BABY.

402
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:59,063
YES, IT WAS.
THE BABY MADE ME SMART.

403
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,065
NO, THE BABY
WAS JUST A PLACEBO.

404
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:02,400
PLACEBO?

405
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,702
I THOUGHT WE THREW THAT OUT
WITH THE UMBILICAL CORD.

406
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,205
JUNIOR, LOOK, YOU WERE
SMARTER WHEN YOU HELD THE BABY

407
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,117
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
YOU WERE SMARTER.

408
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:11,009
IT'S THE SAME THING
MY FATHER DID TO ME

409
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,310
WHEN HE PUT YOU IN MY ARMS.

410
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:15,914
HE TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE
A MAGIC BABY.

411
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:19,083
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE WAS RIGHT.

412
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:22,687
NOW, YOU GO TAKE THAT TEST
AND MAKE YOUR DAD PROUD.

413
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,989
OKAY.
I'LL TRY.

414
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,008
VERY GOOD.

415
00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:46,244
CLAIRE, YOU STARTLED ME.

416
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:49,213
NEVER SCARE SOMEONE
IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOVEMENT.

417
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:50,448
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

418
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:51,783
UM, HOW ABOUT I LIVE HERE?

419
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:52,984
UH, YES, THAT.

420
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,886
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE
I LOVE HER SO MUCH,

421
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,356
SOMETIMES I THINK THAT KADY IS
THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE.

422
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,201
THAT'S WHO I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.

423
00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:01,259
IT'S MY FAVORITE SUBJECT.

424
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,493
SHE'S BLACKMAILING ME.

425
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:04,329
♪ LA, LA, LA, LA ♪

426
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:05,697
LISTEN TO ME.

427
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,966
SHE'S NOT PERFECT.
IN FACT, SHE'S A CRIMINAL.

428
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,101
BLASPHEMY!
FIRST OF ALL,

429
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,147
IF KADY IS BLACKMAILING YOU
AS YOU HAVE ALLEGED,

430
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,305
THEN YOU MUST'VE DONE
SOMETHING BLACKMAIL-ABLE.

431
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:16,741
YEAH, I WAS OUT WITH TONY,
AND I SNUCK IN LATE.

432
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,410
OH, REALLY?

433
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,212
I'LL BET YOU WOULDN'T WANT

434
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,315
YOUR PARENTS TO KNOW
ABOUT THAT, WOULD YOU?

435
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,516
NO, I WOULDN'T.

436
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:28,453
I SURE HOPE NO ONE PUTS
THAT TO MUSIC

437
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,456
AND LETS THE WHOLE WORLD
KNOW THAT...

438
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:32,901
♪ CLAIRE SNUCK OUT
WITH TONY LAST NIGHT ♪

439
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,502
♪ CLAIRE SNUCK OUT
WITH TONY LAST NIGHT ♪

440
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:35,727
STOP IT!

441
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,405
TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME,
YOU LITTLE RUNT.

442
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:39,007
I'M GONNA TELL KADY
THAT YOU KISSED ME.

443
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,832
BUT THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS.
I HAVEN'T KISSED...

444
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:45,970
YOU TRICKED ME!

445
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:49,574
THAT'S WHAT EVERY MAN SAYS
AND NO WOMAN BELIEVES.

446
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,642
ALL RIGHT, WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

447
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,678
I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT SHE DOES WRONG.

448
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,046
HOW CAN I EVEN THE SCORE?

449
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:56,781
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
SHE'S PERFECT.

450
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,983
EXCEPT FOR THE OCCASIONAL
EXTORTION SCHEME,

451
00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:00,818
SHE'S FLAWLESS,
BEYOND REPROACH.

452
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:02,353
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING.

453
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:04,389
THERE ISN'T,
UNLESS YOU COUNT

454
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:07,158
AN IRRATIONAL LOVE OF ICE CREAM
A WEAKNESS.

455
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:08,593
HMM, ICE CREAM.

456
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,428
THANK YOU, FRANKLIN.

457
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,530
WHAT? I'VE DONE NOTHING.

458
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,502
IF YOU TELL HER I SAID
ANYTHING, I'LL DENY IT.

459
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,569
GO AHEAD.

460
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,404
DENIAL IS THE FIRST SIGN
OF GUILT.

461
00:17:21,573 --> 00:17:22,940
CURSES!

462
00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:30,948
THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IS HERE!
THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IS HERE!

463
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,366
AHA! I GOT YOU.

464
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,168
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

465
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,602
GETTING SOME ICE CREAM?

466
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,539
BUT YOU JUST TOOK MONEY
OUT OF MOM'S CHANGE JAR.

467
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:57,075
DID I? ME?

468
00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,077
ISN'T THAT
WHAT IT'S HERE FOR?

469
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,511
NO, AND YOU KNOW THAT.

470
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,580
MOM PUTS ALL HER CHANGE
IN THERE.

471
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,450
AT THE END OF THE YEAR,
SHE BUYS FOOD FOR ORPHANS.

472
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:08,953
SO, TECHNICALLY, YOU'RE
STEALING MONEY FROM ORPHANS.

473
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,321
REALLY?

474
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,457
YEAH. HOW OFTEN
HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS?

475
00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:14,725
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME.

476
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,561
THIS WEEK?

477
00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:17,962
TODAY.

478
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,765
SO, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU AND I ARE EVEN.

479
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,133
I GUESS SO.

480
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,145
SO, ARE YOU GONNA PUT
THE MONEY BACK,

481
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,704
OR ARE YOU GONNA SPEND IT
ON ICE CREAM?

482
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:27,872
I'LL PUT IT BACK.

483
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,240
[ SIGHS ]

484
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,742
LOOK, YOU AND I ARE GONNA BE
SISTERS FOR A LONG TIME,

485
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:33,911
SO I THINK WE OUGHT TO MAKE
A RULE

486
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:36,414
THAT WE'RE NOT GONNA TATTLE
ON EACH OTHER.

487
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,381
YOU'RE RIGHT.

488
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,783
SO, DO WE HAVE A DEAL?

489
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,418
DEAL.

490
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,263
THE ICE CREAM TRUCK'S
STILL HERE.

491
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,321
RUB IT IN.

492
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,022
LET ME BUY YOU ONE.

493
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:46,157
REALLY?

494
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,002
I'VE BEEN TAKING MONEY
FROM THIS JAR

495
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:49,627
YEARS BEFORE YOU.

496
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:54,265
WHERE'S MY COFFEE, WOMAN?!

497
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,867
I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING.

498
00:18:57,836 --> 00:18:58,836
HEY, GUYS.

499
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,972
HEY, GOOD MORNING,
YOU TWO.

500
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:03,407
DAD, THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING
HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

501
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,986
THIS REALLY IS
A MAGIC BABY.

502
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,521
HE PERFORMED
HIS FIRST TRICK.

503
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:07,645
REALLY? WHAT WAS IT?

504
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,113
HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT.

505
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,414
AW.

506
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,360
YOU SEE, THAT'S BECAUSE
HE'S CONFIDENT NOW

507
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,485
THAT HE HAS A FATHER
WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF HIM.

508
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,420
JUNIOR,
YOUR S.A.T. SCORES CAME.

509
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,356
O-O-OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T OPEN IT.

510
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:20,158
MOM, YOU OPEN IT.
YOU OPEN IT.

511
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,492
OPEN IT.

512
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,371
I'M TOO NERVOUS.
YOU OPEN IT, MICHAEL.

513
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:27,932
I HAVE NO PROBLEM OPENING IT
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN MY SON.

514
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:35,306
JUNIOR, ON YOUR OWN,
YOU SCORED AN 1160.

515
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:36,507
CONGRATULATIONS!

516
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,045
YES, YES, YES, YES!

517
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,748
I HAVE A CONFESSION
TO MAKE.

518
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:46,817
WHAT?

519
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:49,220
I HAD SOME OF THE ANSWERS
STASHED IN MY WALLET.

520
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:50,188
JUNIOR!

521
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,589
YOU CHEATED?

522
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:52,890
NO, NO, NO!

523
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:53,991
JUNIOR!

524
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,160
NO, I DIDN'T CHEAT.

525
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:57,528
I DIDN'T HAVE TO CHEAT.

526
00:19:57,596 --> 00:20:00,064
I WENT INTO MY WALLET TO GET
THE ANSWERS,

527
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:04,268
AND WHEN I OPENED IT, I SAW
THIS PICTURE OF JUNIOR, JR.

528
00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:08,339
SEE, I KNOW THIS STUFF,
OR AT LEAST 1160 WORTH.

529
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:12,910
AND YOU DID IT
WITHOUT THE MAGIC BABY.

530
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,712
YEAH!

531
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,013
All: YEAH!

532
00:20:18,850 --> 00:20:19,984
HUH?

533
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:24,155
MNH-MNH, MNH-MNH.

534
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,024
WHAT IS PI?

535
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:30,461
A DELICIOUS DESSERT.
[ LAUGHS ]

536
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:34,198
PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BABY.

537
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,934
WHAT...
[ LAUGHS ]

538
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,836
PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BABY.

539
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:41,038
[ LAUGHS ]

540
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,110
I'M SORRY, SON,

541
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,713
BUT THESE ARE THE JOYS
OF BEING A GRANDPARENT.

542
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:51,048
[ LAUGHS ]

543
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,017
DID YOU JUST MISS
YOUR MOUTH?

544
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,786
[ LAUGHTER ]